Friends, my carefree Elf on the Shelf days ended Sunday. Monday I could not find Carol. I looked everywhere. I thought perhaps she had just found a really good spot from which to stalk my family, but I was so, so wrong. She finally surfaced yesterday. My husband and I awoke to this shameful scene yesterday morning.
Apparently Carol found my modest wine collection and took some liberties with it. She drank my Fledgling wine, people! I GOT THAT WINE FROM THE FOLKS AT TWITTER!!! My Elf on the Shelf went on a three-day bender and drank an irreplaceable bottle of wine. Well, FA-LA-LA-LA-FREAKING-LAAAAAAAA!
At least The Bonus Kids were at their mother’s house and didn’t have to witness Carol’s depravity, or my reaction to it. I helped Carol down from the bookshelf so we could have a little ‘come to Santa’ about her binge drinking episode. I was as calm as I could be, and I remembered to use ‘I messages’ too. I said things like, “Carol, when you disappear for three days and turn up intoxicated, clinging to a limited edition bottle of wine on top of my bookshelf, I feel worried that you are going to end up in an Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf post,” and “Carol, when I see that my bottle of Fledgling is empty, and know that I didn’t get to enjoy any of it, I feel hot tears of holiday rage rolling down my cheeks.”
Carol listened and agreed that her behavior over the last three days was problematic. She said that the holidays were immensely stressful for her and she mistakenly thought some wine would help her cope. I reminded her that wine, beer and spirits were for celebrating responsibly, not annihilating feelings, and she again agreed. I could tell Carol was very embarrassed–and hungover to boot–so I gave her some Tylenol and offered her a quiet place to sleep it off (in our end table drawer).
Carol slept until early this morning. When I got up to nurse the baby, I saw that Carol was awake, and had cleaned herself up. She situated herself above The Bonus Kids’ book bags, and even left them a sweet little note.
I think Carol is back on the right track and I expect we’ll be having nothing but tidings of comfort and joy from here on out. Ho ho ho! Happy holidays and all that!